OK, Wait….What? Dealing With Airline Security..

I have just had the pleasure of traveling with my two daughters on a short vacation.

We started off our trip at the SFO airport….destination, San Diego. During the Security check we were not required to remove our shoes, nor put anything into the bins, not even my computer. I did, however, set off the alarm which required a visit to the body scan booth. Unnerved, I was able to quickly pass through and reunite with my luggage and another security person who was meticulously swabbing my suitcase’s contents. When he produced a wine opener, I gasped, forgetting I’d packed it. He said it was no problem, as it did not have a knife attached, and we passed easy peasy and were able to proceed without incident. Whew, I thought, that was really painless.

On our return flight, this time through the San Diego Airport, the rules became perplexingly inconsistent. We were required to remove our shoes, put everything into bins, purses, shoes, computer. We were automatically sent through the body scan. No questioning the wine opener, no swabbing down of my computer, nor my suitcase’s contents. Wait…what? Why?

My fellow flyers, no consistencies exist when it comes to airport security protocol. I’d forgotten the weird, even bizarre experiences I’ve seen over the years at the hands of TSA officials.

There was that time, when I was flying out of South Africa, and had 3 bran muffins stuffed in my handbag. I was allowed 2…not 3. Obviously, that 3rd was a flight risk, but 2 was of no concern.

In another incident, worthy of mention, I was again returning from SA, landing at Chicago, O’Hare’s airport. My luggage was temporarily lost, and I had to plead my case to that dreaded “Lost Baggage Claim” desk. After filing the required forms, I was notified my luggage had miraculously re-appeared, much to my relief. Only then, did my strange ordeal begin to unfold. My jubilance was to be short-lived, when I was informed, that, though, it had indeed been located, it needed to go through yet another security check. I meekly inquired why this was necessary since it had come through the same security scrutiny as all the other baggage on the same flight. I was told…I swear, this is the absolute truth….it was being checked for “bovines”. Wait, “BOVINES,” as in cows? “Yes,” I was told.Apparently, because my luggage was slow to come around the carousel, there was a chance, somehow, a cow had sneaked into my  suitcase, squeezing comfortably between my sunscreen and bran muffins.  I realize now, that one can never trust, nor, underestimate the cunning of a cow just to avoid airline security. Can’t say I blame them.